Twice have I held hands with someone where I felt like our hands fit together perfectly. It could very well be just me somewhat believing in the cliche that people who actually belong together, or could work well together, have hands that fit in each other's well, very well. Sadly, both were times with people that, I guess, they shouldn't have been with.
First was with L, someone who I care greatly for (however in which way I am not completely sure of). As good friends and intellectuals, we went to go see a movie together. We were just kind ended up holding hands for a while. It was nice. Sadly, it couldn't mean anything. We would be great together, if we gave it another shot. Maybe we will one day. Until then, I can be glad we are such great friends and that I can always count on him. I hope he knows he can always count on me too. I think we'd be great, but according to the last time we won't be. I'd love to try again, one day. Our hands fit too well for me not to long for him ever so often. Even if we were to just stay friends, I hope we do for a long time.
The next time was with S. Sitting between him and my friend, B, on a ride in Walt Disney World's Animal Kingdom, we braced ourselves for the rockiest part. Now, we really fit well together, not just our hands. We have similar interests and such. I was reassured of this on that ride. We fit better than J, JP, K, and even L I think. Now, I had liked S the year before, but, crushed from the lack of reciprocated feelings, I gave up. However, our schedules led us to become quite close this year, bringing back up those suppressed feelings that I thought I had abandoned. (Excuse my changed vernacular {is that the right word to use}- I'm currently reading Withering Heights, which causes my language to change and improve some.) Well, our fingers perfectly interlocked. I felt like it was right. I hope to remain close to him for a long time. Maybe give it a shot or maybe not. I know we'd be pretty good together, if we were to ever try. Even if we don't, I hope I stay close with S.
Both of these times, I did not put my hand out or have to take the hand of the other. My hand was taken. While this may be irrelevant, it was important to me. Whenever JP would want to hold my hand he would put his out for me to take. I never really fit well with J. Our hands never fit. Our fingers would entangle strangely and our palms would never touch. it was uncomfortable.
L and S made me feel comfortable. They make me feel safe in some strange way. I had open up to them. I fit well with L and I fit well with S. L and I can be intellectual or stupid with him. I can just be myself. I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I feel the same way with S. Only, with him, there is more feelings.
I may end up in college with one or even both of them. I hate that there is a small part of me that wants to go to the college because one of them, or both of them, will be there. (There are MANY other reasons too- I'm not following them to college just because of them.) I don't know what's next. I do know that we fit really well together, L and me and S and me. No matter what happens, I hope we stay at least friends for a very long time.
We fit like lock and key. My hand fits. Our personalities fit. We fit. I love them both, in different ways. I'm just glad to know that I can always count on them, I always have someone to fall back on, fall into, and fit well with.
~Stuck differently
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